My love of pageantry is far from perfect

“Write what you know,” Melissa Hart announced to our class Thursday morning. I spend so much time learning on the fly for my job at The Register-Guard that the idea of writing what I already knew seemed more challenging than comfortable.

Upon reflection though, I did discover one thing I know a lot about and rarely taken the time to explain my connection to it, which many I talk to  find interesting, odd, post-feminist, ridiculous, hilarious, thrilling, admirable..it all depends who I talk to…as you can see I am hit with a lot of reactions to my interest in pageants. Some want to hear about all of the glitz and glamour associated with the gowns, they want to know all about how you stopped eating noodles to acquire the perfect physique. There is one obvious question though that people rarely give me the chance to answer. Why do I do it?

It’s not world peace or even my own self-inflated sense of importance that my wearing a crown on my head could change the course of a community. Even writing for a newspaper, where I have a platform to inspire change everyday, I know my deeds in my everyday life wouldn’t accomplish that and adding a shiny piece of jewelry doesn’t give me an additional boost. No, the magic to make change happens in small ways like saying thank you and trying to park my car within the yellow lines at supermarkets will happen regardless of four points. I adore volunteering at community events on behalf of the Miss. America Organization, but again, I don’t need a crown to inspire me to love humanity.

It’s not even about a quest to be perfect. I am inherently flawed. I have a shopping issue, I sometimes get parking tickets, I’m not always the perfect friend or brilliant student I should be and when I’m in a hurry I don’t even try to park in the lines at the supermarket.

No, my yearning to participate in pageants is about marrying all of my interests, all of my strengths and yes all of my weaknesses and putting them in one place. On stage, even with my hair curled just so and make-up in all of the right places, I’m vulnerable, I’m clearly imperfect and I love that. I adore the fact that no matter how many miles I ran or abs I did, something will jiggle in the wrong place. No matter how many times I practice my song, my voice is far from heavenly.

Being in pageants  for me is about owning all of it and showing up anyhow. What a great model for my life.  I think it gives other people permission to do the same.

I’m a big believer in not acting perfect, because it makes you unaccessible. Being in pageants isn’t about trying to make myself perfect it is about learning how to love each piece of who I am.

At every appearance and event and really every day of my life,  knowing that I am always trying to be perfect, but knowing that even in the world’s most gorgeous emerald evening gown, what makes me truly beautiful is the fact that I tried, failed at perfection and still had the courage to get out there anyway. If I glow on stage, it isn’t all to do with a spray tan, it is because I know I have family and friends in the audience who love me just the way I am and know that I love them despite their flaws too.

I’ve watched a lot of pageants and I can tell you that the girl who wins is rarely flawless; she’s the girl who doesn’t try to hide the fact that she’s got things to work on.

So, as I prepare for what could be my final local pageant, I have to close in saying that this year, I feel great about each part of my life from my front page story  and nice arch in my eyebrows tonight to my 34 rejection letters that are laying on my desk.

I do pageants because I like to test myself, challenge myself to get comfortable with who I am and show the judges and everyone in the audience that owning each part of me is whole lot more interesting than flawlessness any day. I mean in the backstage craziness, the girls I compete with know that. Part of the fun for all of us is waiting to see what goes wrong, lending a helping hand and encouraging each other to get out there anyway.

Like a kid I interviewed Wednesday with aspergers told me about his relationship with his role as the wizard of oz….My relationship with playing myself on stage this weekend goes something like this.

“I kind of feel like this part was  kind of made for me,” “I mean nobody signed up for it.”

The answer is simple really, I like defying the odds. People always have expectations of what  young people should act like, what a newspaper reporter should be, what a pageant girl should talk about, how a runner, daughter, sorority sister and  girlfriend  should conduct themselves; I like to prove that even in an evening gown or singing an aria, I still am 100 percent patty’s daughter, an emotional storyteller, an athlete and a friend.